-

Sometimes I hate myself for being so straightforward.
It's like if there's something in my mind, it will, sooner or later, escape my mouth.

How do people swallow their thoughts?
I've hurt too many with my words, some of them really unintentionally and they really don't deserve that from me. Even if its from years ago, I can still remember those hurtful words I've said.


How do I become a more positive person? Sometimes I wonder, does my working environment suck (a little) or am I too pessimistic to handle everything?

I hate how I can dislike something so easily without trying hard to like it.
It's not natural is it? Hmm..

Fretzels

Hi, how's life.

Update from my previous post, I've found a job.

Yes, chose not to pursue a degree FIRST. I wonder if I'll regret this years down the road. 

My job's alright I guess, just that I'll meet people who really annoy me just by breathing and sorry, can't help it.

I don't know why someone can be so annoying, whatever he does or says annoys me to no fucking end. I've never loathed someone so much before, really. 

Anw, 16 more days to my confirmation date and I wonder if this is a right career to choose...

This is growing up. No more "What should I do when I grow up?" Once you leave school, you have to know. You have to work for it, you have to find something which can support you for the rest of your life. 

One wrong turn may cost you a few years down the drain which may then affect your future plans of getting married, having kids, yada.

So? No pressure. 

I planned to find a guy I love, settle down and get married at 25. Fat hope. Sis broke down everything for me and I guess I can say my bubble's pretty much burst at best. 

Step one: Find someone you want to spend forever with.

Step two: Work out your savings. Do you have enough money to get married? How much does it cost to hold a wedding? (And I really want a romantic dreamy wedding :( )

Step three: if you really want to get married at 25, you'll need a house which means you'll prolly need to start saving and start looking for one at the age of 22-23.

I've done Step one, but step two/three are pretty much impossible.

SINGAPORE, Y U SO HARD TO LIVE IN?

Or maybe, I should just ditch everything and start selling char kway teow. 

The father would be pleased. 

On a side note, here's a pic of the cute bf and I.

Thanks for having me. 

Words

Ok I've been in a terrible state ever since my rejections from SIA interview. Twice on Round 1.

Ever since then I've developed SOME KIND of phobia for interviews, like I'd feel that its destined to go down the drain...
And my latest rejection proved me right anyway. I applied for and interviewed at a hotel awhile back and they told me they will notify me within 14 days IF I was shortlisted. Yesterday was the 14th day.

Sigh.

I know I've said it before, but I've never felt so lost in my life. No aims, no goals, no nothing.
I know that if I want something, whining and complaining will be the last way to get to it. But the problem is I don't even know what I want, really.
I've been ranting about this to E so many times I think it's time to give him a break (hence this post)? Yep. But it doesn't mean that he didn't offer me any fruitful advices like "Start working for a couple of years and you'll know exactly where to go!" or "Don't worry, B, the opportunity is not here yet."

What will I do without him?

Alright back to serious business. I just sent out 3 more resumes today for concierge/front office positions which I have no prior experience in. See, I've always been working in F&B... I felt it's time for a change.

So, fingers crossed and let the wait begin (again)!

Yesterday

Yesterday, I went to send my favourite Japanese girl off. Ok I only have ONE Japanese friend actually.
Ann, I don't know if you remember but I promised to keep this blog alive so that you can access it and get some updates of my boring life while you're in Japan. I'll make an effort to do so!

Can't wait to grow up, earn some $ and fly to Japan and meet up with her! :D

Wander

It's been more than 4 months since my last update and I'm guilty for not being a frequent blogger.

Life had been mundane for me but what's new?

So I finished Poly and got my Diploma. Finally, after three breathless years. So much has happened in the three long years, things I regretted and things I truly felt happy for. I guess that's life.

I wish I knew what I want in my future because right now I'm a lost sheep with absolutely no directions and no freaking idea what I want to do.

I hope things will work out eventually. Because they always do.. right?

Away

It's been over a month since my last update! Omg.
Sorry for the lack of updates, my remaining readers.
I've been too tired or too busy to blog.

So, it's been close to 3 months since I started my internship.
Along the way I've made plenty of friends.

I wonder if they will be passing clouds in my life like the friends I made in all my previous jobs or really friends that would stay in my life as I grow older.
They are sure fun to hang out with although I've known them for less than 3 months.

It's sad when people leave my life.

It's been awhile and yes! Internship has started for me and everyone else :)
I thought it wasn't as bad as I imagined, really. In the beginning it's a dread to be waking up every morning at 5am. But now, I'm kinda used to it already. :D
My colleagues are nice, the staff canteen's food's not too bad, my job is good.

Well, till then.

Sometimes I wonder if it's my expectations. Am I hard to please? Failed relationships have destroyed close to all the confidence I have to make things work. I am so conscious of everything I feel that I keep questioning myself. And more often than not, I find myself pulling you down with me, into this emotional shithole. I'm not tired of being in a relationship, I'm not tired of you, I'm tired of myself.

Is it too late to change? No it's never too late. I need to be more focused on what I want.

Handburger!

Went to have Handburger for dinner with ze sis on Sunday evening! :D
It wasn't as good as I expected, or maybe I chose the wrong burger? But I have a feeling Fatboy's Burgers and Bar will be so so much better. 

Chunky Mushroom Soup (Awesome! (Y) )

Cajun Chicken Cordon Bleu Burgz

The Handburger Dessert Burger. Now this one is special. It's actually bread with a chocolate 'patty', with cream cheese, some green apples and strawberry jam in between. Yumz but I got sick of it after a few bites.

And here's my sis! :D Thanks for the treat :x

Just came back from a great day out with my girls! Will blog when all the pictures are up on facebook. :>

Updates for the past 2 weeks

Hi!!! After two weeks of intensive mugging and sleeping for less than 5 hours per day, I'm finally free from academic binds! Is there such a term? Oh gee, got so rusty with blogger I couldn't even find the alignment icon to click on. 

ANYWAY, just pampered myself for a little bit with these!

I've decided I'm gonna start being a proper demure girl who cares about her face and all. I usually put zero make up, no foundation/bb cream/sun block when I step out of the house. So my skin's pretty much damaged from the sun by now. I hope it's not too late to start taking care of it? :(

Right, sooooo I've been mugging for 4 papers! Can't remember the last time I had 4 papers in poly. In Year 1 I had 5 and it was hell. Everyday of the study break was like:

No kidding.

And what's worse is that Tyki decided that she's horny again. So during every single day of the study week she's literally moaning and yowling away, or striking weird poses.

I know, isn't she adorbz? Made a hell lot of noise but I still love her very much... :x

Moving on~
I got a chance to go to Shas' Raya party! It's the first time I went Raya visiting at a friend's house so its pretty exciting despite being smacked right between the exams. Couldn't find a baju kurong and got nagged at for a few times but still, it was fun :)

 Sigh look so fat in my dress. 

Oh I also finally got the chance to meet Spot, the pup! :x

So cute, he's actually a mix between Jack Russell and Chiwawa. He's quite ugly actually but still adorable. Does that make any sense at all? I mean, he's skinny with huge ears but his personality is so lovable. He's super active and he runs around all the time with his ears flapping and then constantly slips and falls. Aww so cute. :)

And just Wednesday I met this bunch! :D
It's been awhile, girls. :)

Tried to smile with teeth. I know I look awkward but Angie said it was good effort ok!

Awkward photo is awkward

More awkwardness.

But despite the awkwardness, I still find them fun to hang out with just like I did a few years back! Haha, especially the girls, they never fail to make me happy! :)

I realise my post is all in pieces but I was never good at long posts so forgive me :(
Anyway, now that exams are over, I have a few days for some fun before internship starts! Gonna meet the girls (poly girls) on Mon, C on Tues and the groupmates on Wed for this!

Partyworld KTV for 6pax at $28!!! :o

Ok Idk how to continue this post anymore, I suck at long posts so here's my face if you missed me. I said if!

I feel so bhb :$

Wow neglected this space for exactly two weeks!
Sorry guys, I'm busy preparing for my exams. But worry not! I'll be back because my last paper is on Friday~ It'll be TGIF for sure. :)

A ♥

On Tuesday I met Ann! :x

Brought her to try the legendary curry rice! HAHA.

Our really different sense of style! I can never pull off her clothes! :o

Great day spent with this girl, I wish I could make out more time for you!

And don't worry, I will never, ever, forget you. 

Insight

Curry rice with the rhino kly! :x

Blog hits are back to pathetic, but nevermind! I know that I have a stalker! ;)

Anyhoo, been feeling really, I don't know, happy these days?
Last week was hell, definitely. Facing so much internal struggle and facing friends issues...it's never easy.

But today, I feel good. Despite having to get up early to help out (again), I really feel happier and I foresee better days to come.
There will always be a point in life when someone, close or not, will decide if they still want you in his or her life. Sad to say, the things you say or do to change that usually won't help and you'll just have to go with it, whether you like it or not.

I won't let that happen to me again.
Haters' gonna hate. I just need to keep the loved ones close.

On a lighter note, I'm doing up the last powerpoint for poly!!!
It's exciting yet sad when I think about it. Tomorrow will be the last time I'll present in school. It's supposed to be a good thing I guess! :)
Can't wait for school to end, can't wait for SIP to pass because there're so many good things waiting after that!
Hope SIP will be a breeze... Even though a part of me will be gone :( ! *fingerscrossed

♥

So I met these girls on Tuesday! Sorry once again for oversleeping :(

Although its just dinner, I still had so much fun its never enough!! :x

So glad to have this bunch to talk to, what with all these recent issues bugging me...They're one of the last people I'd want to lose.

PHOTO SPAM!

Angie looks damn scary here!