Chaos in my mind

Looked through my archives and I really can't help but feel sad and depressed.

I know it's all in the past and I know I have someone here who's too good for me and whom I don't deserve.

But when I look at us and how we used to be, it scares me.
Why did we become like this?
Will this happen to my future relationship too?

I'm so afraid to love again, so afraid to be confident in a relationship.
What if things don't work out again?
What if I lose another person again?
I always treat my bf as a bf and a best friend because I tell him everything.
But it's not a good thing because when I lose him, I lose both of him.

Just like how I lost both of you.
We were supposed to be friends, at the very least.
We were supposed to remain good friends, like you promised. Not this, not cold war and awkward moments.
I don't know how to start the next phase of my life with things ending off like this.
Sure, you left my life, never to come back again. But I wanted things to end on a good note. Not like this.


I want things to be good again. Not because then I can be guilt-free, but because I cherish you as a friend.

As time goes by, maybe I'll regret losing you as a friend.
But I will never regret choosing the path I had chosen.